Forgive Me Mother
by Wolvesbane01
Summary: Let's take a look at Kaneki's mindsets. It's a little chaotic, a lot depressing. Hopefully our little half Ghoul will find happiness in the end. I suck at summaries.


Digging into my mind, my memories

Forgive me, Mother.

I've dyed the carnations red

Red with the blood you've spilled

My blood, your blood, our blood.

Is it even appropriate to call you "Mother"?

Isn't a "Mother" someone who loves and caresses

One who cares for their young.

No. You are not "Mother".

You are just a woman who fed and gave me water.

You never loved me.

(Forgive me, Mother.

I dyed the carnations red

Then they turned to spider lilies.)

Love

Love is a word full of empty promises

Promises of hope and kindness.

Kindness and love go hand in hand.

All good things are nulled in the eyes of death.

There is only death.

Kindness and love are as empty and blank as death

His pale fingers

The whiteness of the moon

(Forgive me, mother

I have dyed the carnations red

Red like the blood of our ancestors)

Death is all there is.

Father died the day I was conceived.

You died the day you brought me into this life.

I died the day I was born.

Death is merciless.

Death will take those who's time is up

And he'll make empty shells of those who died early.

I am a shell.

(Digging through my mind it hurts me

These pliers only add to the pain)

Jason got what was coming to him

So did Rize.

(Forgive me, mother)

These carnations, and these spider lilies

They've been dyed with Hide's blood

With my blood

Your blood

I don't know love

(Love is a word of empty promises.

It promises hope and kindness)

I only know pain

My face is a mask

A mask of happiness

These pliers add to the pain

My feelings are pain

Pain

Hatred

Fear

My mask is happy

That's not me

For all I know is pain

(Forgive me, Mother

I dyed these flowers with our blood

The blood of our ancestors

The blood of my friends.)

Arima-san

He said ghouls are monsters

Don't trust ghouls

Don't trust monsters

I take his words to heart

Therefore I don't trust myself

For I am a ghoul

I am a monster

Does he know that's what's happened?

(Forgive me, Mother

I've dyed these flowers red

This is my sin)

If I do not know love and kindness

How am I to mentor these Qs?

These children

Who am I to them?

Urie hates me.

Saiko thinks of me as "Mother"

Tooru idolizes me

Shirazu follows me

But who is "me"?

Haise Sasaki?

Ken Kaneki?

No

No, I'm neither of those

Then who am I

I should make a new name

One that fits me

I am ruthless

Having left behind Arima-san's saying

I am stoic

I have no emotions

I am death

I am the Black Reaper of the CCG

(Forgive me, Mother

These flowers are dyed with the blood of my enemies)

Arima-san

He is gone

gone from this world

There is no next world

Are you proud, Yoshimura-san?

Eto is gone

Disappeared

She's not dead

Takatsuki Sen is still writing her books

Yoshimura-san

Did you know?

Did you know that I'd be the One-Eyed King?

I rule Aogiri Tree now

No longer am I a dove

A creature that goes against my existence

(Forgive me, Mother

My sins return in the form of red flowers

Flowers I dyed long ago)

I am a ghoul am I not?

Or am I human?

This still haunts me

Like the body of Shirazu

That last time I saw him

His corpse

If I were truly Death he'd still be alive.

Is this love?

Did I love the Qs?

I am still scared

I am still in pain

Every day I think

I think about what it would be like if I used my Kagune against myself

I think about what it would be like if I let it

wrap around my neck

My torso

Squeezing until I snapped

I want to die in style

I have found life in Aogiri

I am no longer a shell

(Forgive me, Mother

These flowers bring my death)

Is this what it feels like to run out of time?

(I don't know love

I only know pain)

I've lived a life I did not want

the life of a lie

A pose

A dream

The truth

The truth came last

The digging stopped

The centipede is dead

Eyepatch died when he fought Arima-san

Arima-san..

I miss you

Help me

I'm in pain

I'm scared

Hide

Touka

Yoshimura

Nishio

Shuu

Arima

Akira

Urie

Tooru

Shirazu

Saiko

Aogiri tree is gone

I am no longer a king

I am dying

I'm just going to sleep for a while

Maybe I'll wake up

No

I'll stay asleep

It's my time

I have a meeting with Death.

It's cold here

It's wet

No that's me

I'm crying

How long has it been since I really cried?

Too long

Ken

Shiro

Haise

Reaper

King

After this, they will not exist

Is this happiness?

I am...

I am happy

I'm smiling

My eyes are closing

I am content with the way I'm dying

Digging, digging through my mind my soul

I can feel it coming back to haunt me again

The Centipede is back

He will not let me die

I'm screaming

I'm begging for it all to just be over

FORGIVE ME, MOTHER

FOR MY SINS HAVE NOT BEEN

WASHED FROM THIS EARTH

THE FLOWERS HAVE BEEN DYED RED

RED WITH MY BLOOD

MY RC CELLS

YOUR BLOOD

RIZE'S BLOOD

HIDE'S BLOOD

SHUU'S BLOOD

THE BLOOD OF MY HEART

THE BLOOD FROM MY DISMEMBERED FINGERS

THE BLOOD OF THOSE I DID LOVE

SHIRAZU IM SORRY I WASN'T THERE

FOR YOU IN YOUR FINAL MOMENTS

I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO DIE ARIMA

ARIMA I LOVED YOU

I LOVED THE QUINCKES

I LOVED AKIRA

I'M SORRY AMON

I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL YOU

Your blood will stain my hands until the ends of time

Those who I have killed

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT JASON

This would never have happened if you hadn't taken me from Anteiku

THE DIGGING HASN'T STOPPED

MY EYES ARE BLEEDING

MY FINGERS ARE FALLING OFF

I'M CRUMBLING

CRUMBLING TO THE GROUND

DIGGING MORE AND MORE

THE CENTIPEDE IS EATING MY MIND

MY SANITY IS LEAVING ME AGAIN

I'm laughing

more and more

laughter rolls out of me

like the thunder of a menacing storm

One thing before I go

(My finger snaps like an old, dry branch)

Answer me this:

WHAT'S ONE-THOUSAND MINUS SEVEN?!

 _Hello! I hope you enjoyed this. I wrote it a few months ago but have decided to bring it from Archive Of Our Own and put it here and on Wattpad. Reading back through it I've decided that it's a mix between the anime Tokyo Ghoul, the manga Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul :Re, and a little bit of my own interpretation. I tried my best to go through most of our dear Kaneki's personalities in this and thought it was giving good insight into maybe what he would be thinking._

 _Please leave your opinions and tips in comments I'll really appreciate it, and have a good time._

 _Thanks for reading!_

 _~Wolvesbane01_


End file.
